New fighter guide, Social advice for a female.

A girl I know asked me for advice on joining the Bel/Dag community at her school. I figured I'd blog it.

Bel/Dag is really a cool community of people, that tries to welcome newcomers, and if you are interested in joining a nerd community, it's a great way to do so.

What type of people are they?:

First off, the people they attract are fantasy/Renaissance faire/book nerds type crowd, that also take care of themselves, and stay in decent shape, rather than getting fat, though there are straight jocks as well.  People have a lot of different reasons- historical angle, sports angle, etc... so I couldn't begin to cover them all. There is an undercurrent of student, and a mix of blue collar to white collar, with a little more blue collar than white (or maybe just the blue collar is more vocal- I'm not entirely sure). 

Hopefully this doesn't exist in your area, but down in southern california, while the fighters themselves are multiracial, some of them liked racist jokes. I've never seen a caucasian fighter joking in such a manner- it was mostly the hispanic/black fighters that were making the jokes.  It doesn't exist in the bay area, that's for sure. Nevertheless, it's something to watch out for, and it made me uncomfortable. 

What sort of socializing is offered?

Bel/Dag is really a community. Getting to know people is quite natural- sparring is a one on one activity, and most males bond through shared activities, so you quite naturally start to make friends with those who you spar with. Also, it's very common to chat on the sidelines while resting. They also often go out for drinks or food after, and love to invite people. They really want to socialize- and if you show up, on a regular basis, are friendly, and get good, people will want to socialize with/around you. It's a low pressure environment, full of awesome people, that can be made into friends.

There are events. They'll invite you. These are weekend campouts, normally over a holiday, involving hundreds of people. They are quite similar to gaming conventions, only sans hotel. You normally camp with a group of people that you know(or in a unaffiliated area). The camp fire scene is similar to after hours at a ren fair(or so I hear- haven't done ren fair). There is normally a charge, but it's normally fairly cheap- costing for the whole weekend, what a convention would cost for a day. The fighting there is great- they are inviting you because they know that the fighting at big events is great, and hooks a lot of people's imaginations. 

As You approach:

You'll see people huddled in a staging area, and those off fighting.

Note- none of these terms are widespread jargon.

Staging area:

Often a bench, or picnic table, with people milling about there are 4 types here.

The Host:

It's almost certain that there will be a person greeting you, or the people you first meet will direct you toward someone to read you the rules. This person I'm calling the host, and they may or may not come off the field to do so. 

The host is not an official title, but they will be an experienced fighter- though they may be good or bad, but they are definitely in a position of respect, and probably logistical leadership as well. They may also be a herald (person who referees/directs group battles), and may or may not be interested in training you more over time.

Since they are reading you the rules, they'll also try to make you feel welcome. They'll walk you through the rules, and most likely gently fight with you, so you can get used to it, and get your bearings. They are also a safe person to borrow weapons from, though definately ask.

Bench Bunnies:

Bench bunnies are those that are there to socialize. They are most likely in garb. They may fight occasionally. They seem like good people, but I'm not very good with them, and don't understand them that well, as I'm a battle whore, and spend most of my time fighting. Some of them have leadership/logistical roles, and I definitely show respect to those who organize things.

Resting fighters 

Nuff said. Fighters are covered below. 

Girlfriends:

They are there to watch their boys fight. They are easy to distinguish from bench bunnies, as they'll sit further away, won't dress in garb, and while they seem friendly enough if approached, don't spend much time talking.

Fighters:

The first group of fighters that you will be introduced to will mostly be inexperienced fighters. The person who read you the rules will introduce you to some of them, but others will approach you. Though there might be a few experienced ones in the mix.

They will approach for two reasons- one good, one bad.

Let's get the bad one out of the way first-
Hopefully there will only be a few foolish, and single men. That's the case in the bay area- most Dag fighters are in relationships. However, if you are in a group that's not so fortunate, as a female, you will probably be mobbed a little bit. If it's bad, I apologize on their behalf, as they don't know any better, and want you to know that it settles down with time.

On that note- if you are interested in dating, wait till the mob dies down- the quality single men are the ones who aren't approaching you, because they understand the mobbing dynamic, and are trying to give you space, so you can enjoy yourself, and hopefully stick around.

The second reason inexperienced people are approaching is because they are the sparring partners that you will learn the most from. They are learning, you are learning, it's great. Repeatedly fighting someone who just mows through you doesn't teach you much- you have to be skilled enough to understand why they are able to do so. The inexperienced fighters are bad enough that you might be able to exploit/learn from their weaknesses, and you'll win more often. Yours might be different, but my optimal range for learning is when I'm only winning ~30% of the time.

The few experienced fighters that approach you during this time, are doing so to be friendly, so that they will be approachable when you have questions (also to get your measure). They will tend to be people that like to train others, and will try to fight in a way that will teach you something. This may mean that they will just sit there and block, while you get comfortable attacking someone else. It's often what I do with new fighters. They fight long enough to say hi, then get back to sparring/training with someone else.

This is for three reasons.

The first is, they tend to have figured out the overcrowding problem, and don't want to contribute to it.

The second is, that they know that female fighters separate into two groups- those that care about becomings skilled fighters, and those that aren't interested in doing so. Female fighters can grow into really badass fighters, but only if they want to. Many, for whatever reason, don't. They fight just long enough to try it out, and get to know people, then stick around for the community (and to watch the fighting-- I hear fighting is not an unpleasant thing for a girl to watch). They don't want to waste time trying to help you be something you don't actually want to be.

The third is that what they can teach you at this time is limited. You need to get some basics down, so they can build on them, for the more advanced stuff. And most of the basics aren't things that can be taught- they are things like knowing where your body is in space, and being comfortable dying, and being hit. Those basics are all taught as efficiently(or more) through sparring inexperienced people, as through sparring them, and so while they'd love to help with those things, it'd probably just frustrate you and them, and they'd rather work on improving themselves.

People that haven't approached you:

They tend to be off over there, fighting with sword and board.

Some of them are experienced fighters that just aren't good with new people. They tend to be more grim people, and belong to villain themed units, like the sith, or orcs. They are decent people, they just aren't very tolerant of the inherent incompetence that comes with being new, getting in the way when they are trying to fight/win. You'll gain skill with time, and you'll end up being able to get along just fine- just give them room until then.

Some of them are friendly enough, but are more interested in fighting other people of about their skill level than in training someone new. Part of this may be because they can't train. They may be good enough fighters, but they aren't good at articulating what's going on. They know this, and aren't interested in trying. You can fight against them if you'd like, but keep in mind that fights of unequal skill level are often boring, for both parties(though any fight is better than no fight). There are no formal ranks in Dag, but just like in other martial arts, there are definite skill levels- and you may be fighting the equivalent of a black belt. Afterwards it's ok to ask them what you can improve, but don't be surprised if they have a vague answer- it's because they aren't the articulate type. 

One of the coolest things a new person can do to engage someone of higher skill level, is to not be awkward about fighting with uneven odds- don't be ashamed if they use fewer/different weapons than you(or propose two on one). They don't mind unequal odds, and actually really enjoy fighting with unequal odds- also, don't be surprised if they win(or not). You are doing them a service by going sword and board against their single sword. Try to learn something from the battle.

It's kind of a dance to propose without awkwardness- the smoothest way I've seen is to grab a buddy, and then go over to the vet and ask if they'll help you practice/show you how to fight when there are two against one. Most will willingly fall for it, hook line and sinker.

Good Luck,
Hope you enjoy the cool new people you'll meet!